Trevor at eight months !

Trevor at eight months !

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

" I am broken, I am bleeding, I'm scared and I'm confused but YOU are faithful"

Sunday was a hard day for me. I woke up knowing the first of June was coming the next day..... And the birthday draws near for our precious Amber. And then we sang my favorite song "Faithful"  in church, and I couldn't hold back the tears. I'm just in awe of God knowing exactly what we need, when we need it.

Monday came with the first of June, and I didn't want to get out of bed. I had no motivation to do anything yesterday and just felt tired and depressed the whole day. I have never felt a depression like this and I prayed a lot and cried out to God yesterday. When my husband got home, he asked what was wrong with me and why I didn't want to go to my women's bible study. I started bawling and said I felt like a failure as a wife and a mother. He held me as I said I was scared for the birthday to come up.... Most people have said I will probably be done with the depression by a years time. What if I'm not, I asked James ? He reminded me of Gods promises once again. One of them I just read this morning " For the LORD your God is He who goes with you, to fight against your enemies, to save you. " Duet 20.4. There is much richness in the Old Testament !

So even if the depression does continue after a years time, is God still faithful ?
YES HE IS !!!! Even in my darkest time, He has still proven to be my faithful God and will continue this good work in me !

Today was a much better day, with much housework caught up on and grocery shopping done.
I'm very thankful when the dark days seem so long,  and knowing that God is with me and He makes every day new, is a comfort.
" Weeping may tarry for a night but joy comes with  the morning".... Psalm 30.5b

I have to remind myself that this verse means that I see daylight often, but still have my dark nights.

I'm so glad that I am chosen by God, and that I have the most wonderful guy to walk through life with, James Barnts !

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