Two weeks ago tomorrow was six months of Amber being gone. A couple of my friends have asked me how we got through it, they were/are afraid of it happening to them , etc. I tell them that I didn't think that we would lose a baby this way either. My mom miscarried two of her babies, both when she was only eight weeks along. I remember being nervous every time I would get pregnant, thinking it would happen to me one time. I remind my friends that God provides you His grace exactly when you need it. It's never early or late. Always on time 😀 I'm glad that is how our God works ! Well when we went in for our ultrasound at 23 weeks, I hadn't felt Amber move ( and at this point we didn't know the gender ) for about a week, but just thought this was a quiet baby.
We usually go to Everett Radia but, since they had closed down, had to go to Edmonds Swedish. James usually comes with me to the ultrasound and I'm so glad he was able to make it again ,!We had our appointment at 9:30 am and the rest of our kids were dropped off at my parents.
We arrived early and filled out the normal forms. A lady came out and took us back to the room. She lathered my stomach with warm gel and put the Doppler on to monitor the baby. As soon as she put it on, there was no movement. I knew there was something wrong because all of our babies were usually pretty active. She kept moving the Doppler around, trying to get her to move. Nothing. She was very quiet as she did all of this. She then took the Doppler off, and wiped my stomach she said "Why don't you go to the bathroom and come back". As I got up and walked to the bathroom I thought to myself " they never ask me to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of an ultrasound"....
I came back and the technician was not in the room. I asked James " What's going on "? He replied " I don't know, let's just wait". The technician came back in the room and did some more measurement of the baby. Then there was a knock at the door. I'll never forget that knock that changed my life.
The receptionist had the phone with her the technician handed the phone to me and told me " It's your midwife". I take the phone and say " Hello, Charlotte ".? And she with a heavy sigh says " Christina, they can't find the baby's heartbeat." I hold the phone, look at james and reach for his hand, and with tear filled eyes, ask Charlotte " Why didn't I lose the baby earlier ? Why now ? What happens now "? She said she didn't know why I lost her, was going to recommend me to a doctor in town who delivers these kind of babies, and we would be induced to have the baby in the hospital.
I remember her praying for us over the phone and as we hung up, had some more time together crying.
The technician came back into the room and said she had to still do some measurements and we could find out the baby's gender if we wanted to. We said we did and she found out it was indeed,
a little girl just like we had thought. We got a picture printed of her and headed back to pick the kids up. That day was such a blur to me. Like walking in a fog.
I wanted to record some of my thoughts, that in the days to come during that time, we had what a friend called " the grace epidural " and I don't think I can explain it any better than that ! We didn't feel Gods grace that particular day but we sure felt Him near.