In the midst of a storm, through the wind and the rain, You'll still be faithful, Lord !!

I think this blog post will look better than the last one ☺️ I figured out that I was doing it in html format instead of compose.

Two weeks ago tomorrow was six months of Amber being gone. A couple of my friends have asked me how we got through it, they were/are afraid of it happening to them , etc. I tell them that I didn't think that we would lose a baby this way either. My mom miscarried two of her babies, both when she was only eight weeks along. I remember being nervous every time I would get pregnant, thinking it would happen to me one time. I remind my friends that God provides you His grace exactly when  you need it. It's never early or late. Always on time 😀 I'm glad that is how our God works ! Well when we went in for our ultrasound at 23 weeks, I hadn't felt Amber move ( and at this point we didn't know the gender ) for about a week, but just thought this was a quiet baby. 

We usually go to Everett Radia but, since they had closed down, had to go to Edmonds Swedish. James usually comes with me to the ultrasound and I'm so glad he was able to make it again ,!We had our appointment at 9:30 am and the rest of our kids were dropped off at my parents.

 We arrived early and filled out the normal forms. A lady came out and took us back to the room. She lathered my stomach with warm gel and put the Doppler on to monitor the baby. As soon as she put it on, there was no movement. I knew there was something wrong because all of our babies were usually pretty active. She kept moving the Doppler around, trying to get her to move. Nothing. She was very quiet as she did all of this. She then took the Doppler off, and wiped my stomach she said "Why don't you go to the bathroom and come back". As I got  up and walked to the bathroom I thought to myself " they never ask me to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of an ultrasound"....

 I came back and the technician was not in the room. I asked James " What's going on "? He replied " I don't know, let's just wait". The technician came back in the room and did some more measurement of the baby. Then there was a knock at the door. I'll never forget that knock that changed my life. 

The receptionist had the phone with her the technician handed the phone to me and told me " It's your midwife". I take the phone and say " Hello, Charlotte ".? And she with a heavy sigh says " Christina, they can't find the baby's heartbeat." I hold the phone, look at james and reach for his hand, and with tear filled eyes, ask Charlotte " Why didn't I lose the baby earlier ? Why now ? What happens now "? She said she didn't know why I lost her, was going to recommend me to a doctor in town who delivers these kind of babies, and we would be induced to have the baby in the hospital. 

I remember her praying for us over the phone and as we hung up, had some more time together crying.

 The technician came back into the room and said she had to still do some measurements and we could find out the baby's gender if we wanted to. We said we did and she found out it was indeed, 

a little girl just like we had thought. We got a picture printed of her and headed back to pick the kids up. That day was such a blur to me. Like walking in a fog. 

I wanted to record some of my thoughts, that in the days to come during that time, we had what a friend called " the grace epidural " and I don't think I can explain it any better than that ! We didn't feel Gods grace that particular day but we sure felt Him near.  

Living for Jesus, no matter the cost

Well it has been almost four years since I wrote last! Since then, we have added two more kids so I'm no longer just Trevor's Mama, I'm also Olivia and Gideon's 😃 I decided to start up my blog once again because I feel like writing my thoughts here instead of Facebook, would help it so people can come here instead me clogging up their newsfeed with my super long posts !! One of the things I have been meditating on, since hearing a song by Selah " Be my heart, my hands 😙, my voice ". Here's the first part of the song " How are we living for Christ ? How are we living for Christ "? Following Him, we will sacrifice, but are we willing to die " ? That part got me. Dying for Christ. I always thought when I heard that part, it me at a literal dying, standing up for Christ when we are faced with death. But, a light bulb went on when I thought " he actually might mean that we can sacrifice reading out Bible daily, taking someone a meal, going to church when we have a had a long weekend, praying for someone in need. And the dying part is giv no up something you really, really want. About 7 months ago, I was driving to church and struggling. Driving is hard for me, trusting God that He will get me where I need to go. I remember praying out loud " Lord, please help me or give me s way to trust you more"! Then when we found out about losing our daughter while I was still 24 weeks pregnant, I thought " Lord no ! This was not the way I wanted to trust you more "😥 But, it was. The lord has been so faithful for my struggle these last 6 months. My view of God has changed drastically from a God who gave me the things I wanted to thr things I truly NEEDED. Back to thr dying for Christ. Are we willing to die ?? Not thr literal dying for Christ when we are faced with death. But the giving up things you really, really want to still have. For me, it has been many things that I've had to give up. One of them being, my fantasy world. That is something I've always had and had control over ( or so I always thought ) and about two months ago, I had given everything over to God ( and still have to ! ) and I was clinging to that one sin. The Lord wanted it for sure. And as soon as I gave it up, life became harder for me because I still wanted it bsck ! Life still continues to be a journey for out family and I have learned to take one day at a time. I hope you have enjoyed my so what scattered thoughts and that it truly is an encouragement to you😃 Also, I'm sorry for the terrible misspellings and random smiley faces ! My computer is being weird and will not let me go back and correct them !!

I never seem to have time to blog.....

Good morning ! I hope y'all enjoy the picture of Trevor taken a couple of months ago : ) Isn't he a cutie ? I know, I'm a little prejudiced :D

James and I found out a couple of months ago that Trevor will be a big brother ! January 9th is when the little one is supposed to come !

Finally able to post once again !

I have been having trouble posting for a few months now and that is why you have not been able to see any updates !

We moved from our house in Stanwood back to Marysville : ) We are LOVING our new home and it is an 80% increase of what we were living in : ) PTL !

I now know why God had us live where He did.... { In my view, anyway ! } It was to work contentment in my life. I was not content where we were living, and made a point every month, telling my husband how much I hated living there ! How terrible was that ?! And so, in December, I came to the point of, this is where the Lord has us and I'd better just keep my big mouth shut and not say anything more ! Plus, I asked God to not change James' mind about living there, and want to move but, rather change me. And that's exactly what happened.

Then, in January, James comes to me and tells that it is time to move somewhere else !!!! Wow ! I never expected God to do that ! Thank you, Jesus ! So, on Valentines day, we moved back to Marysville. That night, after we were all moved in, We went to bed and I found a box of chocolates and a sweet note from my dear husband ! We also have wonderful landlords and live by a trail IO can walk on : )

Trevor is growing so big now !!! He started crawling last month and is now eating more solids. He continues to be such a blessing and joy to have around here ! I definatly would love an abundance of kids !! I'm so glad to have a husband who is allowing God to lead us in that area : )

Well, I hope that updates you for now, I hope to blog more often if I can !

Mmm.... It's a hot cocoa kind of day !

Yummy ! I've got my cup of hot cocoa as I sit here and type.

Our laptop acts weird sometimes, it won't let me go into blogspot and that's why I've not written since December. It's actually my husbands laptop, I just like to claim it's " Ours " :) I sold my car { The only " expensive thing I owned ! } because James had two cars thus the reason to sell mine !

So I came into the marriage with his laptop, his house, his car, etc etc, etc :D He is very sweet to remind me all the time when I ask to use like his i touch " You don't need to ask me, it's OURS " !!!! I like the feeling of sharing everything : )

So, you ask me, what have I learned the past month ? Well, I'm still learning how to be a mama, Trevor has been such a joy in our life it's hard to believe he will be five months on the 26th.

This Friday, we're going down to James' grandparents with his dad and sister where we will spend the night and get up the next morning for California ! It will be the second time in my life of going :D James' dad's family lives down there and they have yet to see Trevor so, thus the reason to go down ! And visit too, of course !

One of my New Years resolutions was to finish everything I start { Part of it is for me, and the other for my handsome husband ! }

So, I guess that's enough updating for now, I hope you all are having a great new year !

You were created to be his helpmeet....

Thinking of those who are married, or who are going to be, or wanting to be someday - This is for you ! I was reading my book called " The Excellent Wife " and, in there I was reminded that I was created for James. What does that mean ? Back in the beginning, God took a rib from Adam to make Eve. She was made from the man ! And because of their sin, one of the things a husband and wife will always struggle with is being the head over the other. Now, we know clearly from the Bible that the husband is head over the wife. But, we will still try to take the reigns from our husbands. It may be because we are fearful, that he will make a bad choice, or that he really does not know what he is doing. But, we are reminded through God's word that our husbands are accountable to Him for ALL the choice's they make in this life. How big of a relief that is to me ! I am so thankful to be lead by James !

Just a thought for today :)

So thankful for my life !

I was musing yesterday about the salvation God gave me, my wonderful husband and my very sweet son : ) Yesterday was kinda a hard day for me, something happened on Friday morning that made me want to cry but I just stuffed it down. Then, on Saturday, something else happened that, someone had said that they knew more about being a mother { This person is not married or have any kids } and that I was basically not a very good mother. Well, I finally lost it and everything came out from the day before as well and I cried on my husband.

Oh, where would I be without James ? I tend to always wear my emotions on my sleeve and I decided to deactivate my fb account for a while. I need to try to be more careful about what I put on fb from now on, and having a break will make me focus more on my relationship with Christ, James and Trevor. I am glad I'm taking a break : ) Feels so much more freeing to not have to go and check fb !!

What are your plans for December ? James and I love entertaining so we are having three families over for dinner this week { All on different nights ! } and going over to some friends.

You know, having people over for dinner is such a lost art.... Why not have some people over for dinner this month ?

God bless and have a great week !